Women, our own worst enemy and new best friend

From the time we were teenagers, we have feared our own sex. Our jealousy seems to rear its ugly head when we see a friend in a new dress, a new guy or in a great looking pair of shoes. I guess it is why I was always considered a tomboy. None of those things really mattered to me and gossip was one of my least favorite topics.

But I recognized the girl in me when I had a mastecotomy at age 39. From that moment on I couldn't help but feel less than. It surprised me that I was vain, that my appearance mattered and that I was measuring myself by the bra size of others.

As a thin person, my opinion as to "does this make me look fat" was never considered. Relationships with women were awkward because I didn't wear make-up and played baseball rather than Barbies. But over the years, I have been bonding more with women. I think age has conquered the need to scrutinize ourselves with the magic mirror and who is the fairest of the land is becoming irrelevant.

At some point we let go of the feminine yard stick and begin to use happiness as a measuring tool. We become more empathetic with the loss of a marriage, instead of secretly thinking he was too good for her. Even Victoria's Secret can't defy the laws of gravity and its getting harder to believe that only our hairdresser knows for sure. The playing field is finally leveling off and it is more about friendships than relationships. We have finally figured out it is more fun to laugh with each other than to make fun of each other.

The good news is that as we age, despite our best efforts, we mature. If there is something wrong, we can speak with honesty. A woman who interviewed for a job was a bit heavy handed in her answers. My partner was put off by it, so I offered to ask the woman if she was answering the way she thought we wanted her to, or if that was what she would do. My partner, age 35, wasn't sure but knowing the woman was over 50, I was sure the question would be perceived as an honest inquiry. It was. She was willing to see another side and grateful that I had thought enough of her skills to follow through.  

The simple truth is that when we were younger we were more rigid. It was about the exterior. Beauty was entirely skin deep. Now we hope our interior speaks louder than the exterior and we are are so much the wiser for learning that beauty truly comes from the inside out. 

Image: flickr image by bee wolf ray